Gone are the days of making new year’s resolutions! And thank goodness because who actually kept those commitments to themselves all year long? I know I certainly didn’t. However, we all still want to have a focus for the upcoming year. Whether it be professional or personal, we all have a particular direction we would like our lives to go in. For this year, 2017, I have chosen a word to embody what I want to get out of the year, what I am working towards, and what I want to feel. My word for the year is WHOLE. In case you need a refresher, here’s the dictionary’s version of the meaning of this word:
“whole
hōl/
adjective
adjective: whole1. all of; entire.
Synonyms: entire, complete, full, unabridged, uncut
Antonyms: incomplete
2. in an unbroken or undamaged state; in one piece.
Synonyms: intact, in one piece, unbroken; undamaged, unmarked, perfect
noun
1. a thing that is complete in itself.
Synonyms: entity, unit, body, discrete item, ensemble
2. all of something.
Synonyms: all, every part, the lot, the sum, the sum total, the entiretyadverb
1. used to emphasize the novelty or distinctness of something.”
Now let me tell you MY meaning of this word. For as long as I can remember, I have felt like I wasn’t fully one attribute. Growing up, I was never great at anything. I was good at many things, but I wanted to be known for being totally amazing at one thing. Nowadays, that same feeling creeps in because I feel like I’m not able to give 100% of anything. My husband gets a percentage of me, my kids get a percentage, my friends get a percentage, God gets a percentage, my photography clients get a percentage, and so on. I never truly feel like I am 100% there for anyone. I feel fractured. I feel as if I can’t possibly live up to everyone’s expectations of me. And you know? I can’t.
So this year, the word ‘whole’ to me means that I will be okay with being just me – not looking at what I’m lacking, but what I actually am. And then – wait for it – not tearing myself down for what I’m not.
As a mom, I frequently feel like I’m making bad decisions for my kids. I lose it sometimes. I run low on patience. And sometimes I just don’t want to be around them. But I’m learning that feeling that way sometimes does not make me a bad mom. I love my kids. I would do anything for them. Am I going to have weeks where I forget their snack for the class at home? Yep. Am I going to have other weeks where I make individual snacks in the shapes of animals? Yep. Every day will have highs and lows and I am preparing to show myself some grace.
As an entrepreneur, the envy bug easily creeps in when you see others that are more popular, those who seem to be making more money, and those whom are more widely acclaimed. But I refuse to let their success make me feel less than I am. Are they amazing at what they do? You better believe it. But am I good in my own ways as well? Yep.
For me, this is the year of WHOLE. How about you? What is your mantra for 2017?
Photography by Christine Gosch
Hair & Make-Up by Styled By Kelsey V
